At what point, do we become ‘Transgender’?
 
Battle caps on, ammunition at the ready and before you reach for the ‘Banish for ever’ lever, this is to create thoughtful response, is to encourage you to reply, is to highlight that differences of opinion are acceptable and above all, is designed to encourage anyone reading to pen a few words in reply.
 
Can I use labels? I understand the need for accepting labels can be contentious, and that interpretation of ‘labels’ can differ, region to region, concept to concept, so I am going to ‘risk it’ if you will. I may be a little politically incorrect for this letter, but I hope I do not stray into the realms of unacceptability.
 
Before I continue, ‘Transgender’ or ‘Transsexual’ are “relatively” new words, one hundred years ago there was no such dictionary entries, however, the effects described by these new words, have been evidential throughout all forms of recorded history.
 
I will include other labels as well, Cross Dresser, Transvestite, Drag artiste, closet dresser, weekend woman and other words used to describe those of the community who may not be a full bag of chips according to the predominant white male aged 18 to 40, heterosexual (declared), married, two point four kids, and a BMW so far up the drive it takes a weekend to polish, wash and show it off to the equally dull neighbours.
 
Trannie, well, now I learned that phrase a long time ago. In the early sixties, it meant a small portable transistorised wireless receiver, ideally used to listen to Pirate Radio from offshore sources such as Radio Caroline.
 
When I started to grow up, the RAF used the term a lot, when we were sighting location for new antenna arrays or Satellite Dish locations, the transparencies retrieved from the Air Photographers at JASC were referred to as Trannies. I had strings of them hanging in the planning room to be inspected or projected for closer approval.
 
Trannie or tranny is not a new phrase, and the evolution of our language quite happily encompasses re-utilising words to meet the needs of the ever changing generation. Be ready in ten or twenty years for many of today’s terms to have fallen from favour.  Groovy Baby!
 
So, at what point do we become transgender, either by our own choosing, or by the choosing of someone else?
 
Do some of us want to be Transgender only at safe times, when we are alone, when we have the safety of invisibility and security? Do we want to be known as Transgender even though we still need a daily shave, have a penis, and are known by a masculine name by friends, family and workmates? If we are not yet on the road to a formal hormone replacement therapy, can we be Transgendered? If we decide to ‘self Med’, for whatever reason, does that enable or exclude us from being a transgender person?
 
If I elect to be Dorothy at the weekend, and David in the week, does that mean that I am only trans at the weekends? Do I have to declare that I am out, want to be called a girls name, live and work as a girl, desire to have the penis removed, demand the right for Facial Surgery and tattoo removal in order to be allowed to be myself, and if so, can I save that until I get my holidays paid for in case I lose my job at the brick layers coking ovens? What if I just want to ‘play’ at being a girl, and only when it suits me, or would that disqualify me?
 
What if deep inside, I know what I should be, and that is different to what I see in the mirror, but I don’t want to lose my family, the kids, my job or the opportunities that I need to secure enough funds so that my Kids get a good schooling? So please, can I be, just between us, you know, trannie in all but reality, but I promise one day, that I will give it everything?
 
“My doctor said that it would be too much for my heart if I undergo invasive surgery in the next ten years, and now that cancer has been diagnosed, please can I be a transsexual for my last six months, the family are upset at me being about to die and all that, but I am a girl really, so call me Madeline, but not when the kids are about, it would be too much for them, do I qualify”?
 
 
So, let me think about this for a moment. What if I ‘hold off’ from doing the SRS thing because of MY need to get other stuff done first, I mean, does MY priority have to mimic that of another before I can be a transgender person? Do I have to take pills, pay for psychiatry, request the SRS before I can be called a Transsexual?, Can I be a transsexual for no other reason than I think it is right, and follow the course of Pills, poking and puberty when the opportunity best arises?
 
At what point, is it correct to declare ‘I am a girl’, or should I wait for some-one else to declare me to be more girl than guy, and simply go along with it?
 
If a person wanted to be a girl with a willy, would that person be Transgender? Why would Willy-Removal be the overarching decider of gender identity? It isn’t, is it? Mostly we have to find a confidence in ourselves and I certainly did not ask for anyone’s permission to declare me a transgender person, it is something I adopted of my own free will when I felt I was good and ready for it. The thoughts and views of other people made not the slightest difference to me. When I was ready, I was Transgendered. So if the same goes for others, it tends to advise me that transgenderism is in the eyes of the victim, not the observer, so is it right to suggest a criteria that defines what a transgender person is, or is not. Surely it is up to the person, not anyone else, to decide if they are Transgendered.
 
If you agree, then I guess you understand that anyone can call them selves Transgendered or anything else, and for any reason they wish and we have no right to contra argue? Yes, anyone can be Transgendered, for any reason, and they do not have to jump through hoops and undergo life changing operations or discussions before they can be Transgendered. However…
 
If those folks want to get an SRS operation on the National Health, then they will have to convince the gatekeepers they are as Transgendered as the gatekeepers want them to be. They will have to follow a prescribed path, leading to identifiable stages, with identifiable goals, achievements and objectives. There are so many that want to be Transgendered, the system we have could not cope, so the path is made a little rocky to discourage those that are not true unto themselves and those who fail to meet the path criteria set by the gatekeepers. What if, what if for example, what if someone chose NOT to follow that path, the path to feminine identity according to the gatekeepers? What if some one decided to follow their own path, would they be any more or any less Transgendered? What criteria must they adopt in order to be called Transgendered?
 
Here is my take, if a person wants to déclaré themselves to be Tory or Labour; it has little or no bearing on how I might think of them. If a body wants to drive a four by four instead of a mini, it does not change their ability to be a person in their own right, they are simply a driver. What if a person decided they wanted to be transgender at the weekend only, in my book, they have that right and are as much a transsexual as anyone else. Will that person be entitled to a Certificate of Recognition in their acquired gender, I doubt it, as such registration is another rocky road held by the gatekeepers.
 
So let me see if I am thinking along the right lines here, and to help me, let me share with you a chance meeting I had a few years ago. I was dressed as a girl, but lived as a guy, had a male name, and as far as anyone knew, I was a regulo hetero male doing the man job at the Financial House. I was dressed in a skirt, heels, wig, felt like a million dollars. My Pick up truck sputtered and died as I drove towards Palm Harbor in Florida. I upped the hood; no fault seemed to be obvious. Moments later, a small group of Harley Davidson motorbikes kerplopped into view and parked around me and my broken down Pickup truck. Bikers in leather gear climbed from their charges and peered into my engine bay. I was acutely worried for my safety. A voice under the hood declared “No problem, try that…”. I tried, the Ford engine sputtered, caught and roared into V8 life. The guy gave me a business card and suggested if I was passing to call in, his men would take a look and make a full time repair for me. He owned a company in Florida called ‘Ice Cold Air’.  He was not the typical stereotype biker, he owned a large firm that repaired and installed Air-condition equipment. In Florida, that man had the licence to print money, as much as he wanted as everyone needs Air Conditioning in Florida.
 
He did not see me as a guy dressed up in girl clothes, he saw me as a potential customer. He did not place any caveat upon me to behave in a certain way at a certain time, he offered me some help and suggested where I could get more help, if I so chose it. So, why do I have to discriminate if a friend, or non-enemy, elects to call themselves transgender? It is up to them, it is their mind and body, I have no right, but if I am lucky, they may become my friend and my life will be enriched for having a new friend. Even if that friend does nae footle about on two wheels making a sound like ‘potatoe potatoe’.
 
Are you a weekend woman? What an embarrassing and crass question. Like I said, Politically correct I may not be, dangerous I hope I am not. But, what if you are, what if you are Fred in the Week, and Tiffany Sparkle Belle at the weekends. What is it that makes you different from me, and can I embrace that difference?
 
What if, this weekend, I put on baggy jeans, slick my hair back, drop my voice, done my chunky boots and go down to the Car Repair Club and chew the fat with the other straight guys, maybe haul a V6 out of some old car, maybe climb under some-ones Ford Anglia and help rip out that exhaust pipe. Would that make me any less trans than I am. I doubt it. For me, and this may not work for you, but for me, if someone changes from one moment to the next, flip-flops back and forth, then that person is hard to keep up with, and in company, it gets hard to remember, do I call him her or her him with these people, I don’t want to out someone accidentally. So for me, if a person declares they are out, they are a girl, then that’s it. He will be a she in my book until I am asked to understand different by her alone, Fair?
 
Ouch, what if ‘He’ declares to be a ‘She’, but continues to act as a male, sound like a male, behave like a male, look like a male? Is it fair to call her ‘she’? Conundrum. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then the chances are good that it’s a duck…
 
What if she, declares to be a ‘He’, is he a him or not? Does him need to have a penis, beard, deep voice and the ability to roguishly manipulate swear words like it is some kind of Olympic event? Can he be a he even if he is of slight build, no need to shave, has C-cup boobs? Well yes, of course, if he is a he then he is a he, it is as simple as that. Mind you, getting drunk on a Friday night at the local boozer might influence some of the other guys into understanding your taking the piss and could end up that your the one getting a good kicking for being a twonk? A ha…. A new statement. You can be whoever you want to be, but prepare yourself well if you want to be accepted in the environment you choose.  Being a guy is easy, I know, I been there, being accepted by all and sundry as a male is less easy, especially if you’re a little bit effeminate in a macho, spunky, testosterone laden world. So our environment is important. Our ‘place’ sets expectation and expects certain responses. The Gay Quarter of town is normally a good safe place to be whom ever you want to be, other parts of town, might lead to us feeling vulnerable and might be best avoided until we have the absolute confidence to be who we are for any reason we want to be that person.
 
Gentle Voice: I say old chap, where are all the wonderful men of this strange, yet lovely little town?
Stranger: They are hanging a Queer down by the river!
Deep Voice: Really, think I’ll mosey on down, just in case they need a hand….
 
Its all about perception!
 
When people started to perceive me as feminine, I felt more able to blend in as a female. Someone passed me a note one day, it read, ‘Voice Training, see CissyVoice.com’ (or similar). I started to learn to raise my voice. It gave me more confidence. In this country, while working with the Citizens Advice Bureaux, one of the helpers asked me how I got to have such a rich deep voice, and suggested it must help no end while I was on the phone. She was genuine, I was hurt.
 
Having blonde hair should not be an indicator to my sexuality, that is absurd, so why should my face shape, or my voice, or my footwear, be an excuse for others to define my sexuality? Does having a penis define my sexuality? I hope not, for my next question is, does my NOT having a penis declare my sexuality? If a female to male, who has not yet a penis, can declare himself to be male, can I, now I have had the SRS operation? OF COURSE I CAN! It is not an evidential answer, nor is it a rational question; it has no bearing on our gender identity, or our sexuality. The inclusion of a penis or the exclusion of a penis cannot be a prescriptive remark for gender identity, nor sexuality. It is how we feel inside that matters, and not, how others may feel about us. I can call myself anything, though I understand to be an Airbus 380 I need to have bigger wings, but I can almost call myself anything I wish, and you, dear reader, can choose to accept or deny, but in reality, what ever the observer thinks, it is of little value as the thoughts that we have about ourselves and our own identity, are only ours.
 
I am ready for the answer to my first question, ‘At what point, do we become Transgendered?’ I feel we become Transgendered, not by the stroke of a surgeons knife, nor the adoption of a drug imbibing regime, nor by the wearing of a pretty spaghetti strapped sun frock, we become Transgendered, when we decide, that we can no longer declare ourselves to be anything other than Transgendered. If a Non Transgendered person, elected to call themselves Transgendered, how would that hurt me? Why would I care? What can I do? Why would I want to do anything?
What if that person, then came to me, and said, “I am Transgendered, I need help”, what right would I have to share my personal viewpoint with that person. That person has shared a confidence with me, that person have made a disclosure to me, that person has trusted me.
 
What right have I to do or say anything that could, for the sake of this argument, cause that person any distress? I can ask if they are aware how others may perceive them should they wish to be Transgendered, I can share resources with them to help them define their own path in life, I can offer a confidential and safe harbour for them should they feel the need arises.
 
I can not critique them, or laugh or suggest they go home and sleep it off, I cannot do so very much without influencing another persons life, for any influence from only one person, can be dangerous indeed (Dr. Money???) Clearly, the sharing thing is the order of the day, listening and sharing. Be that as it may, what if the shoes are on the other feet’s, the rope has a knot at the other end, or the paint is drying from the bottom to the top. What right have any of us, to declare according to our own perception, whether or not another’s valued self judgement is or is not that which they claim to be?
 
Get my drift?
 
You can be transgender if you want to be. If you want some other folks to take you serious, then my advise is to blend in a little and do the similar things to that which other perceived transgender peoples do. If you behave feminine, do feminine things and retain a feminine aura, and if you are consistent, and seen by others to be feminine, then feminine you are. You can keep your willy, need a daily shave and sport an ‘I Love Southampton’ tattoo if you want to, it is how you behave towards me that matters for me. Matters to me, how you behave towards me.
 
If you want to get the SRS surgery in Thailand, see the Dutch for a face shape change and grab some points at the skin school for having your tattoo’s removed, that is entirely up to you, it changes my perception not a jot, nor should it affect any other persons judgement.  We are not here to judge, simply to support.
 
If you want to be Susan, or Sammy, it is up to you. If you want to be the only girl on the block, with size 12 boots, that is up to you, it is your choice, and no other person can suggest your choice has more, or less merit, than any other choice by any other person.
 
I hope you have noticed that I have skirted around the sexual reference, sexuality and Gender have so much of nothing at all in relation to each other, and they are, completely, different topics.
 
I have aged over not mentioning age, for age is something that has no bearing at all on our gender identity.
 
I have hopefully, steered away from facing the awful truth that is for all the words I might use, my viewpoint may be controversially at odds with YOUR viewpoint, and that is, as far as I am aware, the whole point.
 
Uncle Russell never asked me how I feel about being what or who I am, he gave me the tools to understand that I can be who I want to be, that person I feel I am within. Uncle Russell made no demands upon me, never committed me to jumping through hoops, but did show me, how I might fit into the picture that others might see when I approached such for the needed operations I have had. The trips to London gave me the opportunity to get lost on the A4, or was it the A40, well they sound the same, and I have looked back and laughed. Uncle Russell did not care what road I used, or the path I took, but helped my find my way in the crowded myopic and limited view that others might hold when the time came to be counted, for that, I told Uncle Russell he was one in a million, and I firmly believe that. I am happy that he reminded me, that I am me, accountable only to me, and that I have every right to be proud of any decision I made.